create positive norms for online dating
emotional availability emotional intelligence social skills

How do I decide if my date is right for me?

After nine months of dating, I recently created this golden triangle of what I am looking for:

Golden Triangle

I discussed with some clients which of these they would be willing to give up. We all found it impossible to choose, so I concluded that they were all essential.

(Actually, four days after I created it, I met someone online who quickly showed that he fulfilled all three components!)

Yours might be different – and it might be a square, pentagon, hexagon …. But can you come up your own essentials?

You might want to consider these three components in psychology:

3 components

If you want examples, use this figure below ….

3 components with examples

(Mine doesn’t include practical essentials like, for me, non-smoking, age, height, lives in the same city, is single.)

More questions to ask yourself as you continue to date:

  • Does this person bring out the best in me?
  • Can I be myself with them?
  • Do I respect them?
  • Do they communicate with me in between dates in the way that I’d like them to?
  • Are they emotionally responsive?*
  • Do we feel at ease with each other’s sense of humour?
  • Would I feel comfortable and proud introducing my date to my family?

You won’t be able to answer these until you’ve had about 6-10 dates, so don’t write off a date too early! It takes time to get used to someone new and different, and you’ll be learning a lot during that time for future dating even if it doesn’t work out.

*More about this in a future post here …..

Do comment or email me if you have other suggestions for good questions! And sign up below for alerts to new blog posts!

Rachel New
Rachel New is a Dating Coach and regular blogger on dating. She is particularly interested in the social psychology of dating and in promoting ethical dating: treating each other well, challenging norms, keeping an open mind.

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