Rachel’s coaching is gender-affirmative, LGBTQ+-informed and sex-positive.
Whether you’re dating or in a relationship as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, or a coach or therapist supporting your LGBTQ+ clients, this article provides up-to-date recommended reading and resources plus references and abstracts from published research on the experiences of gender minorities including transgender, non-binary, gender neutral, and preferences including queer, and lesbian, gay and bisexual.
Resources for LGBTQ+ dating, sex and relationships
Barker, M. J., & Iantaffi, A. (2021). How to understand your sexuality: A practical guide for exploring who you are. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Barker, M. J. (2012). Rewriting the rules: An integrative guide to love, sex and relationships. Routledge.
Barker, M. J., & Iantaffi, A. (2019). Life isn’t binary. London, UK: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Bonhomme, L. S., Davies, S., & Beattie, M. (2023). eBook: Gender Affiriming Therapy: What Transgender and Non-Binary Clients Can Teach Us. McGraw-Hill Education (UK).
Bruett, T. (2024). The go-to relationship guide for gay men. Ryefield Books.
DeBarra, C. (2024). Neuroqueer: A neurodivergent guide to love, sex, and everything in between. Fox Lane Books.
Diallo, M. (2024). Navigating your (love) life while queer and Black: A user guide to interracial relationships. Ryefield Books.
Neves, S., & Davies, D. (Eds.). (2023). Relationally queer: A pink therapy guide for practitioners. Taylor & Francis.
Randall, A. K., & Lannutti, P. J. (Eds.). (2025). Experiences of sexual minority and gender diverse individuals in romantic relationships: Heeding a global call. Cambridge University Press.
Richards, C., & Barker, M. J. (2013). Sexuality and gender for mental health professionals: A practical guide. Sage.
Roche, J. (2018). Queer sex: A trans and non-binary guide to intimacy, pleasure and relationships. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Roche, J. (2019). Trans power: Own your gender. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Power, A. (2022). Contented Couples: Magic, Logic or Luck? Confer Ltd.
Autobiographies with LGBTQ+ experiences
A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi
Roche, J. (2020). Gender explorers: Our stories of growing up trans and changing the world. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Trans: A Memoir by Juliet Jacques
Sissy by Jacob Tobia
A Working-Class Family Ages Badly by Juno Roche
Novels with LGBTQ+ themes
You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat
Hold by Michael Donkor
Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo
Inheritance by Balli Kaur Jaswal
Love after Love by Ingrid Persaud
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters
When we speak of nothing by Olumide Popoola
The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson
Real Life by Brandon Taylor
The Late Americans by Brandon Taylor
See here for more novels and films with LGBTQ+ themes.
Articles on with LGBTQ+ experiences of dating and relationships
2024 review of lesbian dating apps
2025 review of queer dating apps
Conscious Girlfriend: lesbian support
How dating changed the LGBT community
LGBT experiences of dating in the US
Rachel’s recommended reading on relationships with LGBT themes
Rachel’s interview with trans writer Juno Roche
New assessment for autism valid for women and non-binary people
Trans Survival Guide to Dating
LGBTQ+ dating apps
The most popular apps (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Match, Breeze, OKCupid) cater for daters of all preferences, identities and desires but there are some sites just for this, too:
Feeld: “Feeld’s ever-evolving platform creates safer, more inclusive spaces online and IRL for everyone to express and explore gender, sexuality, and desire outside of existing blueprints.” Read more about it here.
OKCupid is also good for non-monogamous and inclusive dating.
Her – for gay women
Hornet for gay men
Grindr for gay men
Scruff for gay men
Sniffies for gay men
Chappy Bumble for gay men
Archer for gay men
LGBTQ+ specialist dating and relationship coach
Trans dating apps:
https://mytranssexualdate.com/en-gb
https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/transgender-dating-sites
Transgender and non-binary experiences of dating and relationships
Published research
Anzani A, Lindley L, Tognasso G, Galupo MP, Prunas A. 2021. “Being talked to like I was a sex toy, like being transgender was simply for the enjoyment of someone else”: fetishization and sexualization of transgender and nonbinary individuals. Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 50(3):897–911.
Despite the growing interest in the experiences of transgender individuals, the phenomenon of fetishization of transgender bodies and identities has been overlooked. The present study was aimed at investigating the experiences of fetishization of transgender and nonbinary (TGNB) people. Participants in the current study represent a sample of 142 TGNB volunteers from the community who answered the prompt: “If you feel comfortable, could you describe your experience of being fetishized?” Using thematic analysis, we developed three overarching themes relevant to the experiences of fetishization of TGNB participants: (1) context of fetishization; (2) negative experiences of fetishization; and (3) positive or ambiguous experiences of fetishization. The results demonstrated that, in most cases, fetishization was understood by TGNB people as a negative experience of sexual objectification, although some individuals experienced fetishization as a positive experience, perceiving the sexual desire of the other person or living it as a kink. Consistent with the integrated theory of dehumanization, the results demonstrated that both sexual objectification and minority stress contributed to participants’ understanding of fetishization for TGNB individuals. Implications for clinical work with TGNB individuals are discussed.
Summary: 64% had experienced being fetishized. Of those, 53% experienced it on dating apps.
Mastrantonio, F., Kovshoff, H., & Armstrong, H. (2025). Non-Binary People’s Sexuality, Sexual Health, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Review of 12 Years of Quantitative Research (2012–2024). Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Non-binary is a term used by individuals to describe their gender identity, which is better conceptualized outside the man–woman binary. In recent years, research interest in the sexuality of gender minority individuals has grown, as shown by the increasing number of publications on this topic. Accordingly, a comprehensive systematic review which synthesizes the range of sex-related variables captured in research studies with non-binary people is needed. This analysis examined 12 years of quantitative sex research, aiming to (1) outline what is known about the sexuality, sexual health, and relationship satisfaction of non-binary people; and (2) appraise measures used in this literature for the inclusivity of non-binary identities (focusing on language and terminology). Searches were conducted on PsycINFO, Web of Science, and MEDLINE for papers in Italian or English between 2012 and 2024, and 44 articles were included for synthesis. Papers covered a wide range of topics, showing that non-binary people often report non-monosexual sexual identities (e.g., queer, pansexual), more attraction to and relationships with other non-binary individuals, and similar levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction as binary transgender people. However, the language and tools employed within the research were not always expansive or inclusive enough to adequately represent non-binary people’s experiences. For example, gender minority individuals were often grouped together for analysis, hiding likely within group differences. Future research should use gender-neutral language and measures and consider non-binary individuals separately, in order to better understand their specific sexual health, well-being, and relationship needs and outcomes.
Nelson, R. (2020). Sexual renegades: Bisexual and plurisexual experiences of sexual identity, gender identity, and romantic relationships (Doctoral dissertation, University of Bristol).
Plurisexuality is the sexual or romantic attraction to more than one gender. Plurisexuals are subject to significant social and institutional oppression due to biphobia. Most of these oppressions are due to the monosexist social structure, which suggests that it is more ‘correct’or ‘appropriate’to have a single-gender romantic or sexual attraction. Plurisexuality is understudied and misunderstood within sexuality scholarship. Scholarship into plurisexuality often fails to adequately theorise the role of gender and the body in plurisexuality. Consequently, this thesis seeks to explore the research question “How do plurisexuals interpret, interact with, and experience identity, the body, and gender in their lives?”
Sharabi, L. L., Ryder, C. V., & Niess, L. C. (2023). A space of our own: Exploring the relationship initiation experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual dating app users. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(7), 2277-2297.
This mixed-methods study explores dating app use within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQIA+) community. LGBTQIA+ dating app users (N = 231) from across the U.S. were surveyed about their relationship initiation experiences. Thematic analysis was used to identify the benefits and challenges participants faced on dating apps and their motives for adopting (or avoiding) dating apps specifically for the LGBTQIA+ community (e.g., Grindr, Her, Butterfly). Participants described benefitting from dating apps, but also confronting significant challenges such as discrimination and the erasure of identity. Just over half (55.0%) of the sample reported using LGBTQIA+ dating apps, which functioned as safe spaces, reduced uncertainty about others’ identities, and were better adapted to community norms. Multiple logistic regression was also used to test predictions regarding user adoption. Findings have implications for understanding how people in historically thin dating markets are using mobile technology to expand their opportunities for relationship initiation.
Lesbian, gay and bisexual experiences of dating and relationships
Published research
Daly, S. J., King, N., & Yeadon-Lee, T. (2018). ‘Femme it up or dress it down’: Appearance and bisexual women in monogamous relationships. Journal of bisexuality, 18(3), 257-277.
This article reports on findings from a qualitative study into the lived experience of bisexual women in monogamous relationships. Nineteen self-identified bisexual women from across the United Kingdom, who were either in a monogamous relationship or desired to be in one, were explored. Participants completed diaries and took part in telephone interviews. The data was analyzed using Template Analysis that identified themes from the data set. It appeared that women in different-gender relationships choose appearance markers that could be classed as lesbian orientated in a bid to illuminate their bisexuality. Women in same-gender relationships were more likely to opt for feminine appearance signifiers in a bid to avoid being identified as a lesbian based solely on their appearance. The study suggests that the gender of participants’ partners matters with regards to their appearance decisions. However, despite the apparent influence of their partner’s gender, bisexual women demonstrated a degree of flexibility and fluidity in their appearance choices.
Edwards, C., Wittenborn, A. K., & Allan, R. (2025). Developing guidelines on EFT for same‐sex/gender relationships: Recommendations from a Delphi study. Family Process, 64(1), e13079.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is one of few empirically supported treatments for relationship distress. While evidence‐based approaches are critical for ensuring safe and effective treatment, EFT has not been adapted for use with same‐sex/same‐gender (SS/SG) relationships. This study used the Delphi method to generate consensus on treatment guidelines for using EFT with SS/SG relationships. Forty therapists with clinical expertise in EFT for SS/SG relationships were recruited. Data were collected in three phases. In phase one, participants responded to open‐ended questions regarding how EFT should be adapted for SS/SG relationships. Phases two and three involved participants rating the importance of the recommended guidelines. Data were analyzed using thematic analysis and descriptive statistics. The final recommendations included 49 guidelines on EFT for SS/SG relationships. The data reflected modifications to therapists’ foundational knowledge and development, practice set up and orientation, and the three stages and nine steps of EFT.
Ess, M., Burke, S. E., & LaFrance, M. (2023). Gendered Anti-Bisexual Bias: Heterosexual, Bisexual, and Gay/Lesbian People’s Willingness to Date Sexual Orientation Ingroup and Outgroup Members. Journal of Homosexuality, 70(8), 1461–1478.
Bisexual people may appear to have more potential romantic partners than people only attracted to one gender (e.g., heterosexual, gay, lesbian people). However, bisexual people’s dating choices are limited by non-bisexual people’s reluctance to date bisexual people. Studies have indicated that some heterosexual, gay, and lesbian people are reluctant to date bisexual people, particularly bisexual men. We extend current understandings of gendered anti-bisexual bias through investigating heterosexual, bisexual, gay, and lesbian people’s reported willingness to date within and outside of their sexual orientation groups. Participants (n = 1823) varying in sexual orientation completed measures regarding their willingness to engage in a romantic relationship with heterosexual, bisexual, gay, and lesbian individuals. Heterosexual and gay/lesbian people were less willing to date bisexual people than bisexual people were to date them, consistent with anti-bisexual bias rather than mere in-group preference. Preferences against dating bisexual men appeared particularly strong, even among bisexual women.
Ferris L., & Duguay S. (2020). Tinder’s lesbian digital imaginary: Investigating (Im)permeable boundaries of sexual identity on A popular dating app. New Media and Society, 22(3), 489–506.
Dating apps have received rapid uptake, with Tinder as one of the most popular apps in the heterosexual market. However, little research has investigated the experiences of women seeking women (WSW) on this app. This article combines two interview studies of WSW in Australia, Canada, and the United Kingdom to investigate their self-presentations of sexual identity on Tinder. By configuring settings to “seeking women,” participants perceived they were entering a space conducive to finding WSW. However, men, couples, and heterosexual women permeated this space, heightening the need for participants to signal non-heterosexual identity. Their signals fused references to lesbian and queer culture with Tinder’s infrastructure to evoke a digital imaginary, as a routinized set of practices imagined to resonate with a shared community. Although signals within this digital imaginary were sometimes playful and ambiguous, their default toward a recognizable lesbian identity often rendered other sexual or gender identities invisible.
Forbes, T. D., & Stacey, L. (2022). Personal preferences, discursive strategies, and the maintenance of inequality on gay dating apps. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(5), 2385-2397.
Scholars have noted how online dating technologies are one important arena in which racism, classism, heteronormativity, and other systems of domination are reproduced. This often materializes via a “personal preference” discourse—a framing of desire as unique, individual, and untethered from systems of domination. Yet underexplored is how such a discourse, which fosters prejudice in preferences, is framed as socially acceptable. This paper draws on a content analysis of 858 unique profile screenshots and in-depth interview data of 26 users of Grindr, Scruff, and Jack’d to examine how users voice their “personal preferences.” The content analysis results indicated that 24 percent of profiles listed a preference, and that most were framed in “positive” or polite ways (e.g., “I’m into…”). Analysis of interview data demonstrated that respondents engaged in what we call blatant exclusion and positive reframing in their interactions with other users to voice their “personal preferences.” Users who did not state preferences still allowed their preferences to infuse their experiences on the app. We document how users negotiated racist, classist, and heteronormative preferences and, to an extent, how these users are understanding others’ preferences. This study has implications for understanding the logic behind “personal preference” discourse and why it remains socially acceptable even as other systems of domination do not.
Hackett, C., & Gerodetti, N. (2023). ‘Am I Too Straight for the Gay People, Am I Too Gay for the Straight People?’: A Qualitative Analysis of How Young Bisexual Women Navigate Self-presentation on Dating Apps. Young, 31(5), 445-461.
Many young people with marginalized sexual identities still experience discrimination and discomfort when searching for relationships on digital networks. Young bisexual women who are searching for/confirming their identities consistently face ‘binegativity’, typified by marginalization, hypersexualization, and erasure, despite some positive affordances of online connecting. Based on a small-scale qualitative study with young women aged 18–24, this article considers the ways in which young bisexual women construct and navigate their online dating profiles. Drawing on Goffman’s ideas of self-presentation and an examination of how visual clues are supported by verbal statements, this article argues that bisexual young women’s engagement with dating apps requires identity modulation and produces ambivalent affective formations. Their experiences of digital networked spaces are simultaneously shaped by a search for identity, agency, pleasures as well as frustrations and hateful messaging.
Rose, S., & Zand, D. (2020). Lesbian dating and courtship from young adulthood to midlife. In M. R. Adelman (Ed.), Midlife Lesbian Relationships (pp. 77-104). Routledge.
Lesbian dating and courtship were explored based on interviews with 38 predominantly white lesbians (ages 22-63) representing young adult, adult, and midlife age groups. Friendship was found to be the most widely used courtship script across all age groups, followed by the sexually explicit and romance scripts, with friendship and romance scripts being preferred. Unique aspects of lesbian dating cited by participants included freedom from gender roles, heightened intimacy/friendship, the rapid pace of lesbian relationship development, and the effects of prejudice. Friendship was found to be differentiated from romance by two main criteria: emotional intensity and sexual energy or contact. Verbal declarations of interest and nonverbal behaviors were the primary means of communicating sexual attraction. Few lesbians adhered to traditional gender roles in dating, and those who reported assuming the feminine reactive role nevertheless rejected the traditional notion that women should limit sexual contact. Overall, midlife lesbians were more purposive in their dating and more free from gender roles. Specifically, they were more concerned about the “attachment-worthiness” of a prospective partner and were significantly more likely than young adults to view dating as having a serious goal, to proceed at a rapid pace, to ask for a date, and to initiate physical intimacy.
Pentel, K. Z., & Baucom, D. H. (2022). A clinical framework for sexual minority couple therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 11(2), 177.
Sexual minority (SM) couples share similar predictors of relationship distress and dissolution with couples with two heterosexual partners, highlighting a need for quality couple therapy. Though many SM couples desire culturally tailored couple care and most couple and family therapists have worked with SM clients, most therapists report feeling underprepared to deliver tailored couple therapy that best meets SM couples’ needs. Effective, evidence-based couple therapies exist to treat relationship distress, yet these treatments have been overwhelmingly developed for and studied with mixed-gender, heterosexual couples. Consequently, most couple therapists are left tailoring therapy for SM couples ad hoc, without a guiding framework. This article offers a clinical framework to guide the systematic tailoring of evidence-based couple therapy for SM couples, specifically encouraging couple therapists to attend to (a) universal factors relevant to all couples’ relationship functioning,(b) SM-specific factors impacting couple functioning including differentiating between the environmental-level origin of SM stress and its multilevel impact on couple well-being, and (c) within-group diversity and meaningful subgroups of SM couples to ensure we do not view SM couples as monolithic. We highlight key nonspecific/common factors that underlie SM-affirming couple therapy. Finally, we discuss the couples field’s progress in offering tailored SM couple care and consider broader clinical implications of this framework in expanding the reach of evidence-based couple therapy to historically underserved groups.
Pham, B. T. (2024). What the Girls Want: Queer Women’s Dating Preferences and Identity Construction (Doctoral dissertation, University of California, Irvine).
American sexual and intimate life has witnessed monumental changes since the turn of the 21st century. America has also experienced significant demographic changes with the rise of immigration and the veritable boom in LGBTQ+ identities. With the breaching and reforming of long-held sexual rules, it may seem that we have, as a society, moved beyond significant social cleavages. We may expect that dating lives are now freer than ever. Yet there remains rampant discrimination among daters. Despite its scarcity, scholarship on queer women offers a unique and generative site to study how a milieu of identities, social context, and queer politics interact to inform intimate life.
Regan, H. (2023). Fields, features, and filters: how dating applications construct sexual fields and romantic and erotic capital. Sexualities, 26(7), 657-677.
Young adults have gone from consulting matchmakers to app-makers, as they seek ways to meet sexual and romantic partners. Each dating application is constructed in a distinctive manner, creating unique “sexual fields” on each platform. In this study, I consider the affordances of four dating applications—the structure of profiles, available search filters, and application features—in order to understand how dating applications construct sexual fields and emphasize different forms of erotic and romantic capital. I find that which qualities constitute capital differs depending on the platform politics of the application, and the sexual fields vary according to the intended audience and outcome of the rules for interactions on the app. Such an analysis reveals how forces of heterosexism, racism, and classism operate in modern partner-seeking, both romantic and sexual.
Rupp, L. J. (2019). Queer dilemmas of desire. Feminist Studies, 45(1), 67-93.
The dilemmas of desire confronting young women in contemporary US society are all too familiar. In the face of the persistent double standard that separates sluts from good girls, young women mobilize a variety of strategies: they lack desire, deny desire, restrain desire, police desire, and sometimes embrace desire. They confront expectations to be sexy but not too sexual even as they insist on the right to be just as sexually active as men. Even in the hookup scene on college campuses, potentially liberating in its facilitation of noncommittal sexual encounters, young women worry about hooking up too much. It is a familiar story, but one that most often leaves behind young women with queer desires. Where they do appear, there are hints that they are not as likely to suppress their desires as straight women, no doubt because it is hard to ignore one’s desires when they fly in the face of heteronormative expectations. But it is also hard to come to grips with queer desires, and that is why the dilemmas I explore here are different. Unlike young straight women working to control their desires, the queer students whose stories I tell report awareness and acceptance of their attractions, sometimes from a very young age. Yet they encounter other kinds of dilemmas, especially uncertainty about the boundary between erotic love and intense friendship, a dilemma harking back to an earlier world of romantic friendship. And in the end, despite a contemporary social context in which nonnormative sexualities are more visible than ever before, experiencing queer desires continues to elicit confusion. Much has changed, but much has not.
Sharabi, L. L., Ryder, C. V., & Niess, L. C. (2023). A space of our own: Exploring the relationship initiation experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual dating app users. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(7), 2277-2297.
This mixed-methods study explores dating app use within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQIA+) community. LGBTQIA+ dating app users (N = 231) from across the U.S. were surveyed about their relationship initiation experiences. Thematic analysis was used to identify the benefits and challenges participants faced on dating apps and their motives for adopting (or avoiding) dating apps specifically for the LGBTQIA+ community (e.g., Grindr, Her, Butterfly). Participants described benefitting from dating apps, but also confronting significant challenges such as discrimination and the erasure of identity. Just over half (55.0%) of the sample reported using LGBTQIA+ dating apps, which functioned as safe spaces, reduced uncertainty about others’ identities, and were better adapted to community norms. Multiple logistic regression was also used to test predictions regarding user adoption. Findings have implications for understanding how people in historically thin dating markets are using mobile technology to expand their opportunities for relationship initiation.
Research on the non-binary brain
Joel, D. (2021). Beyond the binary: Rethinking sex and the brain. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 122, 165-175.
Joel, D., & Vikhanski, L. (2019). Gender mosaic: Beyond the myth of the male and female brain. UK: Hachette.
Rippon, G. (2019). The Gendered Brain: The new neuroscience that shatters the myth of the female brain. Random House.
Minority Stress Model
©Frost, D. M., & Meyer, I. H. (2023). Minority stress theory: Application, critique, and continued relevance. Current Opinion in Psychology, 51, 101579.
©Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674.
©Doyle, D. M., & Molix, L. (2021). Reconciling associations between minority stress and sexual minority romantic relationship functioning. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 707058.
©Scott, S. B., Haight, C. L., Brunett, K. M., Pulice-Farrow, L., & Balsam, K. F. (2025). Partner gender and relationship satisfaction among transgender and nonbinary adults: The indirect effect of partner affirmation. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice.
©Song, C., Buysse, A., Zhang, W., Lu, C., Zhao, M., & Dewaele, A. (2022). Coping with minority stress in romantic relationships among lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Current Psychology, 41, 6922–6933.
©Veldhuis, C. B., Kamp Dush, C., Cerezo, A., & LeBlanc, A. (2025). An intersectional approach to understanding minority stressors and relationship satisfaction in sexual and gender minority women’s same-gender interracial/interethnic intimate relationships. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 12(1), 10–25.
©Whitton, S. W., Sarno, E. L., & Newcomb, M. E. (2024). Minority stress and romantic relationship functioning among young sexual minority women. Journal of Family Psychology, 38(6), 889.