Resources & links


How to choose a partner by Susan Quilliam (2016) – “Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the way we want to live.” Buy here.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver (2015) – evidence-based clinical psychologists share what predicts the success or failure of long-term relationships; lots of practical tasks and real-life stories

The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller (2019) is the best explanation of attachment theory applied to relationships

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel (2017) combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice, introducing a set of quick-and-dirty lovehacks, considering tactics for optimizing communication and responsiveness, and offering guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations.

The New Laws of Love by Marie Bergström (2021) is a fascinating research-based account by a sociologist of how dating has become privatized and what the implications of this are

Why we Love by Anna Machin (2020) University of Oxford anthropologist tells the story of the latest research on romance, parenting polyamory, friendship, attachment and sex.

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton – an insightful story of a contemporary relationship with all the underlying psychological processes explained.

How to Understand Your Sexuality: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi – a great book exploring sexual orientations and gender identities and much more, using principles that are really useful for everyone; all of their books are great and not just for people in the LGBTQIA+ community!

The Future of Seduction by Mia Levitin (2020) – a great summary of everything about contemporary dating

Gender Mosaic: Beyond the Myth of the Male and Female Brain by Daphna Joel and Luba Vikhanski (2019) provides us with compelling evidence  that there are more differences within the genders than between

The Gendered Brain by Gina Rippon is another book by a top scientist summarising all the research on gender differences

I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love (2021) by Toni Tone – great advice from personal experience on dating and relationships

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John and Julie Gottman

Mating in Captivity: How to keep desire and passion alive in long-term relationships by Esther Perel – addresses our conflicting needs for intimacy and independence

The Heartfix: An Online Dating Diary by Stella Grey – Fantastic account of 693 days of dating from The Guardian columnist – a MUST READ!

The Chemistry between us by Larry Young and Brian Alexander – the neuroscience of attraction

He’s just not that into you by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo – international bestseller on why he doesn’t call you

Explaining Humans by Dr Camilla Pang – an autistic neuroscientist who wanted a handbook on how to be human writes her own guide to relationships and life, with great diagrams and analogies from science

Labor of Love by Moira Weigel – History of dating – The Guardian review here.

The Curious History of Dating by Nichi Hodgson – very interesting on dating through time. Needs a good copy-editor, though!

Flirt Coach by Peta Heskell

Date-Onomics by John Birger – about the US stats on how many young datable men are out there

Rachel’s books

This dating workbook combines two things: reflective, mindful exercises and questions for the reader to work through; and practical advice on how to navigate dating and relating to others. Rachel does not use tricks or manipulation but offers ways to be genuine and authentic while dating. If you understand the need for self-care, self-compassion, well-being, self-awareness and self-esteem in order to have something to offer a date or relationship, then you will appreciate this book. Purchase here.

Purchase a journal to record your thoughts about each date to encourage reflection and learning from your experiences. Rachel also provides expert advice and tips. Available here.

Mindfulness helps you to be more focused, less distracted, fully present, more self-awareness, less overwhelmed, less judgmental, slow to react, more compassionate towards yourself and others. Purchase a mindfulness journal here, with thirty easy mindful activities to try and space to record your thoughts.

An eclectic collection of speculative stories exploring the role of technology in our futures and in relationships. What happens to human consciousness when implants can convey our thoughts to others? What does it mean for a relationship to succeed when AI is guiding it? What if sex were outsourced to avatars? And can algorithms finally force us to be compassionate? Purchase here.

Rachel’s articles from other sites

Self-care in dating

21st century dating

Organic Dating

Divorce Survival Guide: the first few weeks

Dating for Divorcees

What’s it like dating after a divorce?

Is falling in love inevitable? The Dating Goddess Dilemma

Dating apps could do more to combat racism

Articles Rachel has contributed to

Bored Panda: Modern Dating Problems

Bored Panda: Forgiveness in relationships

Bored Panda: What guys think is thoughtful

Bored Panda: Guy Wants To Split The Bill, Girl Gets “The Ick,” Wonders If She’s Right

Humans of Fuzia: Helping People Become More Resilient in Dating and Relationships

Bored Panda: “Cruelty Masked As Humor”: 30 Women Call Out The Small Things They Won’t Tolerate In Relationships Anymore

Bored Panda: Guy Ponders If He’s A Jerk For Refusing To Attend His Twin’s Wedding Because He’s Marrying His Ex

The Independent: I was looking for sex and now I’m in love: What it’s like to date in your fifties and sixties

Bored Panda: The Wild Nature of Modern Dating

Date My Age

Why am I single?

Psychologies: Tips for dating after being single for a long time

Expert-Approved Tips on Moving In With Someone With a Different Tolerance for Mess – Without Losing Your Mind

Coronesty: life is too short for awkward dates in a post-pandemic world

30 Dates That Didn’t Go Well At All, As Shared In This Twitter Thread

How to have a feral girl summer

Do YOU dare take the Green Line love test? 

Why social interaction is good for older people

Rachel features in the top coaches in 2021

Dating for the over sixties

How to improve photographs of yourself

Dating short men

Stop rolling your eyes at Tinder relationships

Articles on dating and relationships


Sex coaching and education from Ruth Ramsay

Justin Lehmiller’s podcast Sex and Psychology

Erotic blueprints

Sexology Podcast with Dr Nazanin Moali

She Comes First by Ian Kerner – A witty, well-researched and revealing guide to giving your lover with a vulva an orgasm every time

Queer Sex by Juno Roche – A clear and honest guide that everyone can read to broaden your understanding of how gender has an impact on sexual relations, as well as being a great resource for the trans and non-binary community

How to Understand Your Sexuality : A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You are by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi. With a new edition for 2021, this is down-to-earth guide to sexuality and how it links to our identities, desires, personal experiences and the world around us, with activities and reflection tasks

Great Sex Starts at 50  by Tracey Cox. Practical advice and information about the menopause and changes to the body and relationships, for all sexualities and genders

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski. This award-winning 2017 book demystifies the science of female desire

Sex in the Digital Age (2018) edited by Paul G Nixon & Isabel K. Düsterhöft


2020 review of lesbian dating apps

Conscious Girlfriend: lesbian support

Dating as a trans person

How dating changed the LGBT community

The bisexual dating dilemma

Being gay on Tinder

LGBT experiences of dating in the US

Black Lives Matter and ethnicity issues

Cosmopolitan: The power of queer Black love

Bumble: My Love is Black Love Podcast

Cosmopolitan: interracial couples respond to the Black Lives Matter movement

Rewire: What Does Racial Justice Look Like in an Interracial Relationship?

Cosmopolitan: Queer Black Stories

The Conversation: Ethnic filters and racism on Grindr

Huffington Post and ethnic filters

Bustle: What can we do about fetishization?

Cosmopolitan: How not to be racist when dating

The Stylist: Ethnic filters protect Black women

Does Britain still have an issue with interracial relationships?

Best Black dating sites 2020

The body is not an apology

Mental health and self-care

Full list of resources for well-being here


It’s as simple as tea


Can and should drugs be used to improve our love lives?

How to bio hack your brain to avoid getting emotionally involved

Dating for the neurodiverse and neurodivergent

As an autistic person, Netflix’s Love on the Spectrum is painful to watch

Tips for dating someone on the autistic spectrum

What it’s like dating as an autistic person

Dating and the menopause

Sex, Dating And Relationships During The Menopause

Sex and the menopause with Samantha Evans & Dr Louise Newson

Sexual pleasure during the menopause

The Guardian: The menopause is ruining my sex life

Non-monogamous relationships

Non-monogamy support

Beyond Boxes podcast

Polysecure by Jessica Fern (2022)

Literary and philosophical perspectives on love

Kahlil Gibran on Intimacy and Independence

Alain Badiou on love

Joseph Campbell on perfectionism

Dating with a disability

Sex and disability

Disability and dating: ‘Why do people think I’m my boyfriend’s carer?’

Dating apps for disabled daters

The body is not an apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Should you mention your disability on a dating app?

What It’s Like Using Dating Apps When You Have a Disability


NHS resources for young people on healthy relationships and friendships

The best matchmaking agencies: review by dating coach James Preece

Matchmaking in Scotland

How to radiate warmth

Zombieing – it’s the new ghosting

Tinder statistics in 2020

UK dating statistics for 2020

How (not to) approach women

Latest review of dating apps July 2020

Understanding dating subscriptions

Regulatory body for dating sites and apps

US stats from the Pew Center 2020

How to pick an argument

Story: Cat Person

All the latest dating terms

eharmony banned from claiming its algorithm is “scientifically proven”

How the internet has changed dating: The Economist

Modern Love: The Economist

Toffee Dating: why I won’t be using the new ‘private school only’ app

Is being described as “chilled” by your date a good thing?

The effect of self-esteem on how attractive we think others find us and how successful we think we will be online dating

What men and women swipe right on

When do women value personality over looks?

What do 21st century arranged marriages and online dating have in common?

Fifteen tips to make a relationship work

Bad teeth are the number one put-off

The dubious science of genetics based dating

Asexual dating

Legal implications of not revealing all on dating sites

All that is wrong with Bumble

Tribal dating – should we only date people who agree with us?

Your credit rating is more important than being hot

One third of us continue using dating apps while in a relationship

Algorithms are useless – just get out there and date!

Signs you might be dating a psychopath

Psychological factors in becoming a victim of a dating scam

Your dating profile can be traced back to your workplace

Avoiding the friend zone

Getting out of the friend zone

How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1

How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 2

Pitfalls of online dating

Cracked phones are a turn-off and other random findings

Why Tinder is so ‘evilly satisfying’

Couples are similar to each other

Very detailed and useful review of the four major dating sites

Hugging etiquette

How to break up with your online dating site

Customer satisfaction with online dating sites

Emotional availability

The Huffington Post: 15 excellent dating tips

First date bingo

Why you will marry the wrong person

Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits

10 easy ways to piss off your girlfriend

Stella Gray in The Guardian: her online search for love

36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone

The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

When Dating Algorithms Can Watch You Blush: mirroring the other person’s sentence structure

OK Cupid’s Big Data set

Empirical study: The longer you look at a face, the more attractive it becomes

Love by design: when science meets sex, lust, attraction and attachment

Places to go on dates: the most beautiful and tranquil places in London

Online braggers don’t get dates

Rebound relationships

Matthew Hussey on how to reply to a “hey” text from a guy

Don’t say sorry in your messages …. You’ll be 56% less likely to get someone’s number!

Female intelligence is a turnoff for low self-esteem men

Secrets of the six month dating rule revealed by Match

Empirical study: Deal-breakers before meeting for a date (summary of study in Science here)

Survey: Why do people lie on online dating sites?

Empirical study: attractiveness and gender role incongruency are the best predictors of online attraction

Empirical study: Virtual dates are better than online chat

Survey: Motivation for using Tinder

Linguistic study of online messages shows some words are better than others

Review paper: The advantages of online dating

Review paper: Time spent online is not rewarded by face to face experience

Four things that kill relationships

How to be more attractive online

What should you look for in a long term partner?


Rachel’s podcasts

Full list of well-being podcasts

The Second Circle

Sex and Psychology with Justin Lemiller

Matchmaking agencies

Matchmaking agency Project 143 for Asian daters

Matchmade in Scotland trusted review of some UK agencies from dating coach James Preece

Professional photo shoot for dating profiles

Klick Me Photography Some great advice and packages for profile photos

Nina Photography is based in London and has some great reviews for dating profile photos