Resources & links - Rachel New Dating and Relationships Coach

Recommended Reading

How to choose a partner by Susan Quilliam (2016) – “Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the way we want to live.” Buy here.

The Laws of Connection (2024) by David Robson

Not My Type: Automating Sexual Racism in Online Dating (2024) by Prof Apryl Williams

Attraction Explained (2021) by Prof Viren Swami

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver (2015) – evidence-based clinical psychologists share what predicts the success or failure of long-term relationships; lots of practical tasks and real-life stories

The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller (2019) is the best explanation of attachment theory applied to relationships

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel (2017) combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice, introducing a set of quick-and-dirty lovehacks, considering tactics for optimizing communication and responsiveness, and offering guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations.

The New Laws of Love by Marie Bergström (2021) is a fascinating research-based account by a sociologist of how dating has become privatized and what the implications of this are

Why we Love by Anna Machin (2020) University of Oxford anthropologist tells the story of the latest research on romance, parenting polyamory, friendship, attachment and sex.

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton – an insightful story of a contemporary relationship with all the underlying psychological processes explained.

How to Understand Your Sexuality: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi – a great book exploring sexual orientations and gender identities and much more, using principles that are really useful for everyone; all of their books are great and not just for people in the LGBTQIA+ community!

The Future of Seduction by Mia Levitin (2020) – a great summary of everything about contemporary dating

I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love (2021) by Toni Tone – great advice from personal experience on dating and relationships

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John and Julie Gottman

Mating in Captivity: How to keep desire and passion alive in long-term relationships by Esther Perel – addresses our conflicting needs for intimacy and independence

The Heartfix: An Online Dating Diary by Stella Grey – Fantastic account of 693 days of dating from The Guardian columnist

Explaining Humans by Dr Camilla Pang – an autistic neuroscientist who wanted a handbook on how to be human writes her own guide to relationships and life, with great diagrams and analogies from science

Rachel’s books

The second edition for 2026 of Rachel’s dating workbook includes more on neurodiversity and is even more inclusive. The workbook combines two things: reflective, mindful exercises and questions for the reader to work through; and practical advice on how to navigate dating and relating to others. Rachel does not use tricks or manipulation but offers ways to be genuine and authentic while dating. If you understand the need for self-care, self-compassion, well-being, self-awareness and self-esteem in order to have something to offer a date or relationship, then you will appreciate this book. Purchase here.

Purchase a journal to record your thoughts about each date to encourage reflection and learning from your experiences. Rachel also provides expert advice and tips. Available here.

Mindfulness helps you to be more focused, less distracted, fully present, more self-awareness, less overwhelmed, less judgmental, slow to react, more compassionate towards yourself and others. Neurodiversity-friendly. Purchase a mindfulness journal here, with thirty easy mindful activities to try and space to record your thoughts.

An eclectic collection of speculative stories exploring the role of technology in our futures and in relationships. What happens to human consciousness when implants can convey our thoughts to others? What does it mean for a relationship to succeed when AI is guiding it? What if sex were outsourced to avatars? And can algorithms finally force us to be compassionate? Purchase here.

Articles Rachel has contributed to

Dating Less and Working More

The Perks and Pitfalls of London Dating

16 signs they’re just not that into you, according to dating expert

Bored Panda: Modern Dating Problems

Bored Panda: Forgiveness in relationships

Bored Panda: What guys think is thoughtful

Bored Panda: Guy Wants To Split The Bill, Girl Gets “The Ick,” Wonders If She’s Right

Humans of Fuzia: Helping People Become More Resilient in Dating and Relationships

Bored Panda: “Cruelty Masked As Humor”: 30 Women Call Out The Small Things They Won’t Tolerate In Relationships Anymore

Bored Panda: Guy Ponders If He’s A Jerk For Refusing To Attend His Twin’s Wedding Because He’s Marrying His Ex

The Independent: I was looking for sex and now I’m in love: What it’s like to date in your fifties and sixties

Bored Panda: The Wild Nature of Modern Dating

Date My Age

Why am I single?

Psychologies: Tips for dating after being single for a long time

Expert-Approved Tips on Moving In With Someone With a Different Tolerance for Mess – Without Losing Your Mind

Coronesty: life is too short for awkward dates in a post-pandemic world

30 Dates That Didn’t Go Well At All, As Shared In This Twitter Thread

How to have a feral girl summer

Do YOU dare take the Green Line love test?

Why social interaction is good for older people

Rachel features in the top coaches in 2021

Dating for the over sixties

How to improve photographs of yourself

Dating short men

Rachel’s articles from other sites

Self-care in dating

21st century dating

Organic Dating

Divorce Survival Guide: the first few weeks

Dating for Divorcees

What’s it like dating after a divorce?

Is falling in love inevitable? The Dating Goddess Dilemma

Dating apps could do more to combat racism

Stop rolling your eyes at Tinder relationships

Articles on dating and relationships

Sex

Sex coaching and education from Ruth Ramsay

Justin Lehmiller’s podcast Sex and Psychology

Erotic blueprints

Sexology Podcast with Dr Nazanin Moali

She Comes First by Ian Kerner – A witty, well-researched and revealing guide to giving your lover with a vulva an orgasm every time

Queer Sex by Juno Roche – A clear and honest guide that everyone can read to broaden your understanding of how gender has an impact on sexual relations, as well as being a great resource for the trans and non-binary community

How to Understand Your Sexuality : A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You are by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi. With a new edition for 2021, this is down-to-earth guide to sexuality and how it links to our identities, desires, personal experiences and the world around us, with activities and reflection tasks

Great Sex Starts at 50 by Tracey Cox. Practical advice and information about the menopause and changes to the body and relationships, for all sexualities and genders

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski. This award-winning 2017 book demystifies the science of female desire

Sex in the Digital Age (2018) edited by Paul G Nixon & Isabel K. Düsterhöft