Books
The New Laws of Love by Marie Bergström is a fascinating research-based account by a sociologist of how dating has become privatized and what the implications of this are – very insightful!
The Course of Love by Alain de Botton – an insightful story of a contemporary relationship with all the underlying psychological processes explained. Join our monthly book club to discuss!
The Future of Seduction by Mia Levitin (2020) – a great summary of everything about contemporary dating
I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love (2021) by Toni Tone – great advice from personal experience on dating and relationships, by a British author of Nigerian descent
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver – evidence-based clinical psychologists share what predicts the success or failure of long-term relationships; lots of practical tasks and real-life stories
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John and Julie Gottman
Mating in Captivity: How to keep desire and passion alive in long-term relationships by Esther Perel – addresses our conflicting needs for intimacy and independence
The Heartfix: An Online Dating Diary by Stella Grey – Fantastic account of 693 days of dating from The Guardian columnist – a MUST READ!
The Chemistry between us by Larry Young and Brian Alexander – the neuroscience of attraction
He’s just not that into you by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo – international bestseller on why he doesn’t call you
How to choose a partner by Susan Quilliam – “Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the way we want to live.” Buy here.
Explaining Humans by Dr Camilla Pang – an autistic neuroscientist who wanted a handbook on how to be human writes her own guide to relationships and life, with great diagrams and analogies from science
Labor of Love by Moira Weigel – History of dating – The Guardian review here.
The Curious History of Dating by Nichi Hodgson – very interesting on dating through time. Needs a good copy-editor, though!
Flirt Coach by Peta Heskell
Date-Onomics by John Birger – about the US stats on how many young datable men are out there
The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel
Rachel’s books
This dating workbook combines two things: reflective, mindful exercises and questions for the reader to work through; and practical advice on how to navigate dating and relating to others. Rachel does not use tricks or manipulation but offers ways to be genuine and authentic while dating. If you understand the need for self-care, self-compassion, well-being, self-awareness and self-esteem in order to have something to offer a date or relationship, then you will appreciate this book. Purchase here.
Purchase a journal to record your thoughts about each date to encourage reflection and learning from your experiences. Rachel also provides expert advice and tips. Available here.
Mindfulness helps you to be more focused, less distracted, fully present, more self-awareness, less overwhelmed, less judgmental, slow to react, more compassionate towards yourself and others. Purchase a mindfulness journal here, with thirty easy mindful activities to try and space to record your thoughts.
Rachel’s articles from other sites
Divorce Survival Guide: the first few weeks
What’s it like dating after a divorce?
Is falling in love inevitable? The Dating Goddess Dilemma
Dating apps could do more to combat racism
Articles Rachel has contributed to
Coronesty: life is too short for awkward dates in a post-pandemic world
30 Dates That Didn’t Go Well At All, As Shared In This Twitter Thread
How to have a feral girl summer
Do YOU dare take the Green Line love test?
Why social interaction is good for older people
Rachel features in the top coaches in 2021
How to improve photographs of yourself
Stop rolling your eyes at Tinder relationships
Articles on dating and relationships
Sex
Sex coaching and education from Ruth Ramsay
Justin Lehmiller’s podcast Sex and Psychology
Sexology Podcast with Dr Nazanin Moali
She Comes First by Ian Kerner – A witty, well-researched and revealing guide to giving your lover with a vulva an orgasm every time
Queer Sex by Juno Roche – A clear and honest guide that everyone can read to broaden your understanding of how gender has an impact on sexual relations, as well as being a great resource for the trans and non-binary community
How to Understand Your Sexuality : A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You are by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi. With a new edition for 2021, this is down-to-earth guide to sexuality and how it links to our identities, desires, personal experiences and the world around us, with activities and reflection tasks
Great Sex Starts at 50 by Tracey Cox. Practical advice and information about the menopause and changes to the body and relationships, for all sexualities and genders
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski. This award-winning 2017 book demystifies the science of female desire
Sex in the Digital Age (2018) edited by Paul G Nixon & Isabel K. Düsterhöft
Pandemic dating
Why we shouldn’t expect a summer of love
Coronavirus: Why dating feels so different now
Are single people about to enter ‘Coving Season’?
How the pandemic is affecting dating attitudes: Survey
Protecting your relationship during the pandemic
Cuffing Season 2020 Looks Different Than in Years Past—Here’s What To Expect
The Gay UK: Tips for body language on video dates
LGBTQ+
2020 review of lesbian dating apps
Conscious Girlfriend: lesbian support
How dating changed the LGBT community
LGBT experiences of dating in the US
Black Lives Matter and ethnicity issues
Cosmopolitan: The power of queer Black love
Bumble: My Love is Black Love Podcast
Cosmopolitan: interracial couples respond to the Black Lives Matter movement
Rewire: What Does Racial Justice Look Like in an Interracial Relationship?
Cosmopolitan: Queer Black Stories
The Conversation: Ethnic filters and racism on Grindr
Huffington Post and ethnic filters
Bustle: What can we do about fetishization?
Cosmopolitan: How not to be racist when dating
The Stylist: Ethnic filters protect Black women
Does Britain still have an issue with interracial relationships?
Mental health and self-care
Full list of resources for well-being here
Consent
Neuroscience
Can and should drugs be used to improve our love lives?
How to bio hack your brain to avoid getting emotionally involved
Dating for people on the autistic spectrum
As an autistic person, Netflix’s Love on the Spectrum is painful to watch
Tips for dating someone on the autistic spectrum
What it’s like dating as an autistic person
Dating and the menopause
Sex and the menopause with Samantha Evans & Dr Louise Newson
Sexual pleasure during the menopause
The Guardian: The menopause is ruining my sex life
Non-monogamous relationships
Literary and philosophical perspectives on love
Kahlil Gibran on Intimacy and Independence
Joseph Campbell on perfectionism
Dating with a disability
Disability and dating: ‘Why do people think I’m my boyfriend’s carer?’
Dating apps for disabled daters
The body is not an apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
Should you mention your disability on a dating app?
What It’s Like Using Dating Apps When You Have a Disability
General
The best matchmaking agencies: review by dating coach James Preece
Zombieing – it’s the new ghosting
Latest review of dating apps July 2020
Understanding dating subscriptions
Regulatory body for dating sites and apps
US stats from the Pew Center 2020
eharmony banned from claiming its algorithm is “scientifically proven”
How the internet has changed dating: The Economist
Toffee Dating: why I won’t be using the new ‘private school only’ app
Is being described as “chilled” by your date a good thing?
What men and women swipe right on
When do women value personality over looks?
What do 21st century arranged marriages and online dating have in common?
Fifteen tips to make a relationship work
Bad teeth are the number one put-off
The dubious science of genetics based dating
Legal implications of not revealing all on dating sites
Tribal dating – should we only date people who agree with us?
Your credit rating is more important than being hot
One third of us continue using dating apps while in a relationship
Algorithms are useless – just get out there and date!
Signs you might be dating a psychopath
Psychological factors in becoming a victim of a dating scam
Your dating profile can be traced back to your workplace
Getting out of the friend zone
How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1
How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 2
Cracked phones are a turn-off and other random findings
Why Tinder is so ‘evilly satisfying’
Couples are similar to each other
Very detailed and useful review of the four major dating sites
How to break up with your online dating site
Customer satisfaction with online dating sites
The Huffington Post: 15 excellent dating tips
Why you will marry the wrong person
Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits
10 easy ways to piss off your girlfriend
Stella Gray in The Guardian: her online search for love
36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone
The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice
When Dating Algorithms Can Watch You Blush: mirroring the other person’s sentence structure
Empirical study: The longer you look at a face, the more attractive it becomes
Love by design: when science meets sex, lust, attraction and attachment
Places to go on dates: the most beautiful and tranquil places in London
Online braggers don’t get dates
Matthew Hussey on how to reply to a “hey” text from a guy
Don’t say sorry in your messages …. You’ll be 56% less likely to get someone’s number!
Female intelligence is a turnoff for low self-esteem men
Secrets of the six month dating rule revealed by Match
Empirical study: Deal-breakers before meeting for a date (summary of study in Science here)
Survey: Why do people lie on online dating sites?
Empirical study: Virtual dates are better than online chat
Survey: Motivation for using Tinder
Linguistic study of online messages shows some words are better than others
Review paper: The advantages of online dating
Review paper: Time spent online is not rewarded by face to face experience
Four things that kill relationships
How to be more attractive online
What should you look for in a long term partner?