Do you sometimes wonder if your friend might want to be more than “just good friends”?
Research shows that people often use “tests” to monitor whether their friend is getting the wrong idea. Males and females use these tests, but females use a greater variety of tests, particularly 18 and 19.
You can do the quiz here, or using the questions below. Just count the number of “yes” answers.
Quiz: Does my friend fancy me?
- Have their friends dropped any hints?
- Have you disclosed a lot of personal information to them?
- Have you told them things that you’ve never told anyone else?
- Have you told them things that your partner doesn’t know?
- Have they disclosed a lot of personal information to you?
- Have they told you things that they say they’ve never told anyone else?
- Have they told you things that they say their partner doesn’t know?
- Have either of you talked about problems in your existing romantic relationships (if either of you have one)?
- Do they often reply quickly to you when you text?
- Do you have lengthy text exchanges?
- Do you often text each other late at night?
- Do they get upset when they don’t hear from you?
- Have they ever fished for compliments?
- Have you ever asked them to leave a social event with you before it was finished and they’ve done so?
- Have they ever put themselves out for you at your request, such as travelling a long way to see you or stopping their work to help you?
- Do they continue to be a loyal friend after you treat them badly?
- Do they act a bit uptight or go quiet when you say you’ve got a date or an admirer?
- Do they remain as keen a friend when you’re away from them (e.g. on holiday or a work trip)?
- Do they prefer to see you on your own rather than in a group?
Count up the number of “yes” responses and read below for an informal diagnosis:
0-3 Phew, you’re safe.
No, your friend probably doesn’t fancy you. Your friendship is probably quite laid back and your friend gives you space. You don’t need to worry.
4-8 Keep an eye on things….
Your friend might fancy you … or not. Just stay vigilant and watch whether YOU might be giving the wrong message, too. Make sure you both have other friends and support networks.
9-13 Watch out! Your friend might be developing feelings for you.
I would suggest backing off a bit, or doing a few tests, using the quiz questions for ideas, to see how they respond. For example, talk more about your partner or potential dates and see how they react. Try texting less and see if they’re bothered. Are you seeing too much of them? Cut down a bit.
Or you could say something to make it clear that you only want to be friends, like “We haven’t talked about this, but I’m assuming you know I only want to be friends? I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings.”
Be sensitive and cut back gradually if your friend is going through a tough time or is lacking other support. They may have become more emotionally dependent on you than is healthy. Encourage them to join some social events or activities so they’re not so dependent on you.
14-19 Back off as soon as possible!
It’s pretty likely your friend fancies you, or has at least become emotionally dependent on you! So what are you going to do about it?
You can back off, following the advice in my blog post. Be sensitive and do it gradually if your friend is going through a tough time or is lacking other support. Encourage them to join some social events or activities so they’re not so dependent on you.
Or maybe you like them too? If so, you need to think about WHY you like them, whether they’re right for you, whether it’s the right time, etc.
Maybe it’s time to chat to a dating coach to get advice?! Contact me here.
To find out more about scientific research on whether it’s possible to be “just good friends”, read my blog posts here:
 Baxter, L. A., & Wilmot, W. W. (1984). Secret tests. Human Communication Research, 11(2), 171-201.